Friday, March 11, 2005

Funny National ID Fiction

Via Mr and Mrs Shu's e-mail:

Ordering pizza in 2008

Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID

Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.

Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.

Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's


Operator: Thank you Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland
Drive, and the phone number is 494-2366. Your office number over at
Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302and your cell number is 266-2566. E-mail
address is: . I see you're calling me from home.

Customer: Huh? Where'd you get all this information?

Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir.

Customer: The HSS, what is that?

Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This
Will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.

Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat
Special pizzas.

Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

Customer: Whaddya mean?

Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that
you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high Cholesterol.
Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy

Customer: What?!?! What do you recommend, then?

Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll
Like it.

Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?

Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from Your
local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.

Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.

Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your Four kids.
Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.

Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.
Your credit card balance is over its limit.

Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your
Driver gets here.

Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account
is overdrawn also.

Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash Ready
.How long will it take?

Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about
45minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up
while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a
motorcycle can be a little awkward.

Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a bike?

Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so Your
car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the
tank yesterday.

Customer: Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#

Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a
July 4, 2003 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see
here in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge.
Oh yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the

Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return To

Customer: (speechless)

Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?

Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke..

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents Us
from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution Prohibits
this...Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!

Or on second thought it's not that funny, but it may become reality.
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